worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
