I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
