I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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