Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize