What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
