I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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