She tied me up with her honor cords...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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