I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
