the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
