420 ftw
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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