Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
