No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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