I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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