Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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