He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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