I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
