Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
