If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We have started to decorate penises.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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