There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
