Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
