We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
