Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
