you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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