Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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