If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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