she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
