The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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