i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
