god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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