No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
