literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
