Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
