non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
