Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize