What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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