I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
