Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
