u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
