i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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