Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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