i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
