well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
