We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
