She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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