Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
