I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
