Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am one with the molecules
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
