dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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