Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
