Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
