I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
