Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
