We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
