I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
