Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
