well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
