found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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