shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
