This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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