i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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