K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
