***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
