i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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