can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
