I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize