I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
