Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
