just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
