He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
