fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
