So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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