dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
