i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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