Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
