she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
