but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
