So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
