Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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