I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
