I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
