So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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