yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
