Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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