Where is the hickey?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize