We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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