Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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