I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
