even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
