I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize