Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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