the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
