I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize