so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
