True but thats because hes a fetus.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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