Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
