Is it normal to miss your booty call?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
