Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
