I cockslap morals
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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