:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My penis needs a shock collar
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
