Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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