if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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