At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
