running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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