I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
