I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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